Married sex: what's the deal?

Ideas If you believed everything you heard, you’d believe this narrative: After a steamy courtship and probably several years of passion for your partner, your wedding will flip a switch, and suddenly it’s pecks on the cheek and separate beds!

Well, married people, as a group, are a hugely diverse, and so are their sex lives, but we wanted to reassure anyone getting ready to step up to the registrar that the truth is far from the stereotype.

It takes time
Like all other elements of a marriage, sex takes time, effort and nurturing. After all the time and effort that planning a wedding takes, you might feel pressure to overcompensate by focusing on your job or other responsibilities that may have taken a back seat for a while.

This is natural, but neglecting your marriage in its early stages is a bit like building up to getting a puppy and then ignoring it after you’ve brought it home. If possible, try to capitalise on the buzz and good feeling that the wedding delivered, and make time for each other.

It gets better
So you haven’t got that newness-related excitement that comes with a new relationship. So what? This can be far outweighed by experience and by knowing each other’s bodies really well.

You might have had this realisation if you ever came out of a long-term relationship and then had sex with someone else for the first time. We can take for granted what our partners already know we like. It takes years to figure that stuff out. Try to appreciate this deep knowledge you have of each other and you’ll both feel like you married some kind of sex guru.

Trust is sexy
The longer you’re together, the more your trust of each other will develop. This bond is great enough in its own right, but it also means you can feel free to try new things, or at least to ask how your partner would feel about something new.

Trust is also knowing that, if you make a weird face during sex, your partner won’t laugh at you for it, or knowing that they aren’t judging you for anything.

Dips don’t need to be droughts
Many a perfectly fine sex life has been thrown into a long sex drought because of worry. Are we doing it enough? Are we being adventurous enough? How long is a worrying gap? Stop right there.

A dip in any sexy shenanigans is so totally normal. Sadly, so is stressing about said gap, which is likely to make you feel about as sexy as a wooden spoon. If you’re experiencing this at the moment, simply nurture your relationship in general, and when the time is right, sexytime will resume before too long.

Tags: marriage, sex, advice, ideas, relationships

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